Today I rode the struggle bus. I woke up with little sleep, but how can you be mad at those little cherubs — treasuring every moment of snuggles I can get these days. I didn’t get my scheduled work out in and to top it off, as women we get that fantastic “thing” that comes around once a month and screws all the fuck with our heads. Yup this about sums up my day today. It was so freek’n awesome (insert rock solid high five here). Somehow someway we always make it through. Push through the work day, take care of the kids, make sure they were fed, teeth brushed and oh so cozy to bed, you know the deal with the littles and then you crash.
When its a bad day you crash hard, but then in the same breath all you want to do is move. It funny it’s these long crazy days that are the hardest to be a newly divorced person. Don’t get me wrong there is a fair amount of fun to be had. You get to go out, you hang with your friends, you have more freedom then you’ve ever had and you have nobody to answer to but yourself and occasionally your boss, because let’s face it you really need your job when your a single income household. But at the end of a really hard day, it can be really freek’n lonely. So I run.
When your running literally everything goes away. There is seriously nothing better then being zoned out, one with the road, the trail or even a good song on the tread. Being injured two years ago, I guess I never really realized what that took away from me until now, when my world is finally settled. For real. I just said that. My. world. is finally settled. Even though at this moment my new world feels like a shit storm, our. world. is finally settled. It safe. It’s calm. It’s home.
I never thought of it at the exact time that I got injured; my injury marks the end of my marriage and a new beginning. A berry loop run that ended with a lot of pain. Funny I was just about where I live today, when I felt the pain in my calf and knew that was it. It’s interesting how life works. After my injury, I had a really good running friend, who believed in me enough to pull me out of a really bad place — my marriage. A place where I allowed someone to treat me far worse then I have ever deserved. We were oil and water. When I left, my injury restricted me from running. I didn’t have my girls, I really didn’t have anything except my babies. I was barely treading water. Every time I tried to run, I was reminded why I couldn’t with throbbing pain that never went away. Somehow, after what seemed like forever, I was able to come up for air. The timing of the events that happened after was unreal. We found our forever home with so much of a bump in the road. There was a little bit of a hill just before closing but being an athlete, hills are doable – in fact sometimes a good hill feels really good.
These things are so relevant because when I think back to when I was first injured I never thought any of this was possible, especially such a beautiful warm and welcoming home. When I was injured my friend and I would talk about all the things I wanted to do when everything was said and done. I had so many dreams, even at a time when all I saw ahead of me was this freek’n mountain that for sure was going to take forever to get up. So here I sit after a really long freek’n day, in MY home, having finished a pain free run. Life is funny. Somehow, even on the hardests days, there is so much to be grateful for.
Love, never underestimate yourself. Seek out the lesson. If you believe in something, fight for it. Life will never be easy, but after every great run there a medal, a party and a beer. So we run.