UNFILTERED ~ The un-glamorous truth of one mom, athlete & business owner, finding the path to truly LIVE amongst the chaos.

Ok, lets talk. I’m a SUCKER! I’m a sucker for putting everyone else needs before my own. I mean, seriously, it is SOOO much easier to play with slime when your daughter asks, then to hear her innocently, with the cutest most apologetic smile, tell you that she only got a “little on the couch BUT she got it out all by herself” (insert deep breathe here). Or better yet. It is amazing to be just getting into your grove, with your favorite song, when your asked for another snack because the one you got before you got on the treadmill, just wasn’t what they had in mind.

EXCUSES, I’ve used them all.

Lets be real. If there is an excuse to getting out of exercise or rationalizing why I can have  ice cream for dinner, I have used it and probably used it more then once. You see, just because I know better, doesn’t stop me from ALL of the same, every day, real life struggles of every mom, wife,  and women around who has a tendency to put everyone else’s needs before their own.

And I’m sorry, who the hell has extra time anyway?? And if you have the time, how to you conjure up the motivation to everyday give it your all?? Lets’ face it, your exhausted, you lack motivation and then of course their is the why? Why am I going to torture myself today?

OR why not??

IMG_3077So this morning I got up. I got up far before the sun came up.  NO, I didn’t want to, but I wanted to. You see, two years ago it was my turn to be fit, strong and free. Then I had Logan, our second child. Becoming a mom of two stopped me in my tracks. I was dumbfounded at the amount of patiences, stress and simply overall change that this would have not only on me, but on our family as a whole. The dynamics that were changed was unsurmountable and truly there was nothing we could do about it. We rolled with the punches as most families do and somehow, so far, everyone is still alive, fed, clean and clothed. So I suppose we are doing alright.

In the midst of all of this, we were a family of two working parents and children in childcare, while trying to start a business on health, fitness and being the best self your can be.

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Humm… Interesting. How can you develop a business, founded on the goals you only wish to achieve? Really the goals were founded on the person I once was and dreams, I once had. But wait. It really wasn’t. What had changed was me. What had changed was my perception, of the events in my life, and how I perceived what was important.

So one by one, mom started to put the pieces together. The first piece was to change my mindset. Who cares if I don’t exercise today, because both kids are sick and the laundry is overflowing? Does it really matter that I ate that Mac and cheese last night because it was the quickest and easiest thing I could shove in my face in the midst of getting the kids bathed, books read and getting them settled off to bed. Only to do it again tomorrow. The answer: not really.

But you see here is the caveat; I had to change my perception of what it was that I WANTED and NEEDED to do. The balance of what I call life. The juggling act of wife, mom, nurse, teacher, friends, family. You name it. To say I was failing wasn’t entirely true, but I finally took the time to see where I was at, were I was going and where I wanted to be… and I was headed in the entirely wrong direction. There was a HUGE missing piece. What was I doing to fill my own cup?

I was so busy running around trying to care for everyone else, cramming as much as I could into every 5 minute slot that was available. I was out straight until the time I hit my pillow, fully exhausted, yet mind still racing about the list in my head of things that I needed to do tomorrow! I mean for real girl, get it together you life is passing you buy!

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I was being super dependable, super reliable to my peers, my students, my kids and my friends. I was giving it my all, or so I thought I was…

Then one day, during my two hour commute to work. YES, TWO HOURS. I know. Who the HE!! commutes two hours to work (girl, I do) it came to me. I’m going to crash. Here I am, preaching, encouraging, spewing words of health, wellness, balance, fitness and life, and I had yet to figure it out myself.

Some might take this opportunity and say, well, that sucks. Life is life and these are the cards I have been dealt. Well, that’s just not me. See I was born stubborn, almost to a fault, and really, I’m the type of gal that well, if you tell me “No” — I’m likely going to try just that much harder… and I have to say on that day, on the back country road in New Hampshire, leaves just starting to change and show their beauty, I for the first time truly looked around to embraced the peace and quiet and relished in the down time. The moment where I could, breathe, cry, scream or sing if I wanted to. I could do anything I wanted to do and nobody could tell me any different. WHY HAD I NOT SEEN THIS BEFORE?! This time was MINE. I own it. I have no choice but to be here in this moment, on this drive, headed in this direction, so I was going to own it.

Ok, so I’m driving and I’m running at the same time?

Ha, nope. Did you just try and picture that. What a great sight that would have been I’m sure and if I could, I would have happy done so. After all, in my busy day, I used to get sooo frustrated with my commute and what it took  away from me, from my kids, from my family. I could be cooking dinner, or heck what an amazing run I could have in two hours!! TWO HOURS!!

Then it hit me! I have control of this! I HAVE CONTROL OF THIS!

Who says I can’t have it all? Who says their is not enough time in the day?? This whole time I was talking myself down a negative spiral of all the things I told my self that I COULDN’T do! I can’t, Maddison has dance. I can’t, we have dinner at that time. I can’t, I need to… sound familiar. All the while I was wallowing in resentment that I NEVER HAD TIME FOR ME!

And so it started. It was time for change. It was time to stop allowing myself to feel the guilt that I PUT ON MYSELF to be the person that I FELT society said I should be. I enlisted the help of my friends. I ask for more help from my husband. I created a schudule and on it, I actually scheduled in time for ME. EVERYDAY there is a slot. A 30 minute slot that is JUST FOR ME. And yes, this time might just happen to be at 430 in the morning, before much of the world is up. But I am grateful for that, because it is a time where I can just breathe. I can live. I can feel the rush of the cool, wet fall air, as the rain mists and the street light glow, enjoying the conversation of a good friend.

So you see, YOU CAN DO whatever you CHOOSE to put your mind to.

You CAN still be successful, in your dreams, in your goals, in your desires, without giving up all of the other things and roles you find so important.

We have an EXTREMELY powerful tool and it is called the mind and it can amazingly push us towards our most impossible goal or it can leave us defeated wishing we could have only tried harder.

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So girl, Stop. What are your goals? Have you always wanted to be thinner?  Have you dreamed of losing the last 10 pounds of baby weight? Have you tried to run that 5K you told yourself you would do by the time you were 40 only to back out because you didn’t think you would be ready in time? Or do you simply fantasize about the day you will have the energy to get through the entire day without feeling absolutely exhausted and actually enjoy being able to physically play with your kids.

IMG_5510I mean, the goal is YOURS. YOU CAN DO IT. You CAN do ANYTHING you truly put your minds to. But first you have to TRULY believe you can. There is no might. There is no maybe. The only worlds that can cross your lips is HELL YES, I CAN AND I WILL DO THIS TODAY!

THIS life is short. MAKE IT. OWN IT. I mean really girl, your daughter just asked you for some of your drink and your cup is empty.

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